boring night

haven't posted in awhile. and besides i have nothing to do.
besides chatting.
im eyeing this brown belted shoulder bag from xxi... but wenever i go to the mall i can't really find it... =/
http://www.forever21.com/product.asp?catalog_name=FOREVER21&category_name=acc_handbags&product_id=1068667226&Page=3#
the itouch for 130$$ woahhh .
money is a problem. i have to think of way to get everybody a nice gift. im soo limited =/
anyway no one seems to be awake. time to go to bed [:

btw my craving for hot cheetos fries was satisfied with a drink of arizona green tea (:
but i hate tea? lol im weird.

NIGHT blogspot

sigh..

A choice was made. He chooses his freedom & individuality over the one thing that ever touched his soul or so he claims.
but underneath it all, i surprisingly understand.
its definitely unfair.
i call it our never-happening destiny or so it seems in present day.
its sad its mean and its cruel to hold such a huge gap in between.

-"last day"

good/bad all in one day -.-

todayyy i got some bk after i got off the bus. (;
i've been craving for junk food for a long time.
now i have a craving for hot cheetos fries :D

after that i saw some bball.. hahah nice game by wilson (;
HAHAH his first technical hehe
that was fun. i saw ppl i haven't seen in a long time.
especially you. get to see you tmrw. a surprise for you tmrw :D

next was yuca. it was boring. but it was alrite afterwards
im not sure if ur using me but if you are i really would like it if you stopped. its
unfair to me. because you use me wen you need me.
bubble wrap was fun :D rite zi? hehes. we're gonna own you guys tmrw (:

tuesdayy

common planning todaii! it makes no difference for me -.-
anyway there was snow on the mountains todaii near our school! i predict that this year's winter wiill be incredibly cold ='[ i need my summer.
well it turns out the stupid u.s. history test is tmrw instead. -___-X freaken stayed up last night studying. fml
everybody else was glad it was pulled back. -.-
90210 was GREATTTT! so was oth and gg. i watched it todaii also :D
:D
------------------------------------------------------------------
wow some talk? currently almost 11... yet no appearance. all bs.
to think i was this close to revealing everything.

for janice's satisfaction

watch out for rapers like janice li. she reads my boring ass blog 24/7. she wanted me to type this:

todaii i ran with my cool buddies (: . we must stalk like Q does (;
i actually ran THREE laps non stop. my goal is running two miles w/o stopping (: but todaii wasn't that bad for someone who hasn't worked out in awhile [x
feel soo fat yet my appearance lies. -.-
running again tmrw.
school was g@y.

im giving you time and clearly you're using it poorly. if it were in reverse would you regret it? It seems to be all bs once again.

Frankie J.-We Still

doing my own thing now (:

...

its been quiet lately. sometimes thats good but it seems like ppl are being ungrateful about whats been given to them. does it really matter how its being done ? all that matters is the fun rite?
+ it seems like i've been kept in the dark bout things. thats fine. but don't try so hard to prevent me from finding out. cause it makes you look guilty

veteran's day

six hours. really tiring. but it was funny. hehes "cheeseburger" ohhh and "make friends" lol. hilarious. tiring day once again.


i wasn't as happy like i thought i would be. i don't know why. its like ur in ur own world tat im not part of anymore. its not that im being secretive. i don't fit in to ur world anymore and im tryin so hard to fit you in mine. i know you see it too. its not the same. and i was right bout tat. nowadays it'll always be using the word, "my friend"

angry. confused angry

i really don't get it. why does it feel so different now? talk less. such awkward conversations. what you say that won't change is changing. its too late now. if you've found it then you should go live your life and you don't have to feel like u owe me anything. don't feel guilty don't feel bad. i don't need that. i don't even want that. dont' stay cause of that. i'd rather not.

eh

"Many things catches your Eyes, try to get it.But one thing catches your Heart ...Pursue it.. "
i guess whatever happens happens. but yet rite now im still clueless and confused to what it is now.

realization

you have no idea what all of this is doing to me. you seriously have no clue at all. i didn't think there would be a day where you wouldn't wait til i leave home then you would go. but that day came. i didn't think you would conversate but that day came. you didn't even tell me. did you not see the look on my face when i found out? or should you have looked in the mirror to see urs? i hate wen ppl do that. you didn't even plan on saying anything. even if its jst innocent. i never knew that day will come where you acted like im a nobody. until yesterday and that day actually came. long time ago way before december 20 you treated me so differently. what happened. do you not see the differences between those days and the days before october 4? you wanted to watch me be happy while you suffer? i think its happening to the opposite ppl. you want me to be happy and yet im suffering even more. and for some reason yu want to suffer but yet you seem happier than ever. maybe because you got what you wished for. because last month on that day, i saw a guilty and the most saddest person ever, that day i couldn't even allow myself to be sad but i was the one that was suppose to be. but now, there isn't any sign of guiltiness or sadness at all. i knew that day wouldn't last.

a never ending reality

i really don't know what i need. i just know that right now its not it. i hate the "right now". i just know that its not working for me. if theres anything else to add to this misery, i would'nt be able to stand it. this is unhealthy. i am unhealthy. and yet you ask me if im opposite of what i am now. which meant you had no clue what was going on. clueless to the point where you think i am at the most joyous point of my life.
i don't even know if its even possible for me to be at the point ever. but i have ppl around me to help me. Gen, impatient, etc they're all great ppl. yet they have no idea what to do either. all they could say is it'll be fine. it'll take more than "it'll be fine" to get pass w/e this is. but its a good start.
ty

just a gloomy day (:

Colbie Cailat-Realize
digging the song (:

The End

Varsity-Right Back Where I Started
you can't have it both ways and you can't always have it the way you want it to.
there no such thing as when i will because i won't ever.

emotionless

Kelly Clarkson-Because of You
music is my best friend <3 because it'll never hurt you, it only eases your pain when you need it.

sigh

Vibekingz and Maliq-This Letter
sad life.

sleepy day.

i just have a feeling of uncertainty. doesn't feel right and i don't like it. i would do what you ask me to if you tell me you've already started ur search.

sleeepyyy day. but fun at the end (:

i just know

i am positive. its not the fact that you care so much and i know you care alot about me. its not the fact that you're the most kind person that ive ever known. its not the fact that you do everything for me even if ... its not the fact that you take care of me its everything included.
i don't think theres anybody out there like you. i should search rite? but i promise you i won't find anybody else. i read back every message i have and i saw things going from really good to downhill bad. i don't dare to erase anything. its memories of what we had. i won't be able to let go. i may be a lil naive or i may seem like a child but it is perfectly clear to me. crystal clear and i don't mind if you dont believe it but as long as i know it myself thats fine with me.

understanding.

i must learn to cope. cope with the stress , the sadness, the anger, and the hurt. because no matter how frustrating it gets and how sometimes it feels like theres no way out, i would do it over and over again until everythings right.

my last wish for happiness

i just needed to be reminded once it awhile, because i would do it over again.

jst venting.

so now i guess ur able to talk to them rite? what does this mean!? you said you weren't. you don't really? you think i don't know rite? well i do. its not the fact that you can't, its the fact that you were reluctant to tell me. but thats fine. its even now. what ur doing is wat im doing. i just tell myself that its ok. w/e happens would have happened anyway.

conflicts.

when are things ever going to be ok? things are different. way too different. you used to worry bout my health, schoolwork, etc until im ok. but now its like why are you doing this and how did you get like this. instead of things you used to say. i made a mistake. and jst because of that one mistake there isn't anything anymore. so don't blame me for not talking to you or w/e it is because its just too hard to bear, at least rite now. im trying to be as strong as possible, but iono i can for long. that day will come. and im just sitting not being able to do anything until it happens. it won't be long.
i plan to never be where i am now, lost, miserable, emotionless and numb. this is worse then before. and if you can't tell the pattern its only going to get worse. i won't put myself in this position every again.

my goodbye

it just hurts. really hurts. i couldn't even do anything. i couldn't even try. it was like sitting on the bench of your own game. you really wanna try hard to win. but you just can't. but the problem was worst. its jst like if u were blindfolded and you can't see whats happening. so how can you help? i was blinded. im so mad at myself that i had to chance to change everything. i was just this close to get what i've been dreaming of and getting it back but it was like i blew it w/o even knowing. how can i be so careless. all i can say now is goodbye. my hope is all gone. within a second.

something better.

wow todaii was one of the worst days ever. yesterday was already a bad day and todaii another one? todaii i happened to lose something that was important and i thank janice and sandy for everything. if it weren't for them, i would have been screwed. it was one of the most frightening time for me those few hours. and every minute and every second they were there to walk me to my house, walked me through the negativity and walked me through until the end. it was hope tat i wouldn't have had if it weren't for them. i felt i owed them everything. and i needed to. this had a happy ending.

until wen it came to 7 o' clock. everything went downhill. i wish it was different. i wish that there isn't any problems in general. just the way it was before but way better. things changed. at least some things. it feels like nothing happened but its jst the fact of wat we're labeled. but other than tat its jst the same as before but not way better.

frustration

i don't like it when ppl think they know what imma say, when they think they know what im thinking, and just think they know when actually they're wrong bout it. i wouldn't hate the fact that if ur right bout it all but if you're completely wrong and i say its not like that and you decide that you know its true. i would really blow up. the truth obviously comes from me rite? so how can i be wrong wen i decide what is true and what is not? i am independent to an extent. at a given point i might just lose it. but the point as exceeded farther than i imagined. i can deal with many different things on my own that you thought i wouldnt have in the past. but thats the past and rite now its the present. i learned to deal with things that were much harder because i had to. relying on others is a burden in my opinion. but at times i do really need someone.

hehes my shy best friend is sooooo adorable (: ur welcome for techniquely yesterday. (:

self doubt

idk what to do anymore. what if things sort of change. what if it changes the fact that you wouldn't be there anymore and you've chosen a different path. is that why you made it very clear that you never asked me to do what im doing? i can't stop something thats going to change if i don't know whats going to happen. what if i do, and it doesn't end the way i want it to? what if this whole time you already know that it would never happen knowing that fact that theres a big chance things could dramatically change for me in a few years? are you relying on that? i wonder if theres nothing left and i proved the fact that it hasn't changed at all like i said it wouldn't, will you decide to take that chance again? when you do finally find the answer and have chosen what you want in the future i hope you'll tell me. even if its either good or bad news. i still want to know. life is about risk. but should i take this one or should i walk pass it and never turn back?

blank

i was right. todaii was just a regular day. i don't know how to accept the fact that its different now because i simply don't know whats so different bout it. i like how it is now but theres one thing that isn't there. just a hole with nothing in it.

tomorrow

well tmrws the day i've been waiting for since the last month. but this time things have changed. the only difference is tmrw is not acknowledged like it's used to be. it became jst a regular day and nothing special about it. is it ok to break apart just one more time at least?

todaiis a normal day. it was sorta cold & not so hot at the same time.
what i don't understand bout the situation is that what did i do wrong?
i plan to give the benefit of the doubt and just let it be. however it'll be.
if its chosen to be like it is then fine. i hope the lesson will be learned soon and to be able to see that fact that maturity plays a big role.

overall: an awful day

a happily ever after & a sad ever after

everythings soo great and yet everythings so messed up. it doesn't make sense. im so happy one day and the other not . its just that one thing missing. i believe that its worth to wait and see the future. i understand things now that i didn't before and i wished ive seen it sooner. "because i want you there" is all i need to keep my day going. a week going. even a month. it shows a great deal that i haven't lost anything. let alone my age w/ not one speck of maturity in me. maybe even on grain might even make it better. but patience is what i need to gain and strive for what i want. and maybe things will go the way i see or it won't. life can't always be about what you want. il be happy or eventually happy about what might happen next. if not il learn to accept it for the sake of your happiness. after all its not just mine that i need to protect.

idk.

i look forward to every single weekend like everybody else. but i used to have a different reason than others. but now it doesn't seem like i have anything to look forward to anymore except the fact that maybe just maybe i would have a chance to see you maybe less than a few hours if im lucky.i used to look forward to weekends cause i know i would see you. it makes me happy but now im not even sure. my question is why now? y did you choose now to be tired of it. am i too overdated now? is there no need for accompanying since now you've found others to help you fulfill w/e you needed? because i know that back then it wasn't like that. you looked forward to see me too. just like i did. but now zero hours doesn't seem to matter at all to you...

the lonely road

im not afraid to say my wrongdoing. i would admit to what i did. but when are you going to ever come out of your shell and admit to things. if im willing to do anything to make it better why can't you do it also? of course stubbornness gets in the way. but am i as stubborn as the past? i wonder if you could only do something to save it, the actual question is would you be willing to and not would you do it. would you be able to say goodbye to your competitive side and your stubbornness for me? this can all come into an end soon. but if you really want it bad why aren't you trying? why does it seem like im the only one. i don't want to be the only person to walk the road, i need you to walk it with me.

janice is a fat pig

the fat pig : janice
she sleeps for TWELVE hours on the weekends from 12 to 12.
typical. and she eat alot (:
she has nice dreams wen she dreams bout me. she has nightmares wen liz is in it :D
heyyy she has a bigg hugee birthmark on her foot :D
check wen she wear flip flops.
and omg she thinks we're together. janice is a lesbian [:
i am not with her. she has a female lover named liz [:
i am soo happy for them . they've been together 9 days. she says it feels like forever.

anyway imma be hanging out with those three tmrw.
junior's orientation at 9 [:
i get to see everybody!!!
summers almost over.
it was great. relaxing and fun
anyywa gonna bus it soo sleep super early.
gonna go shower. lates

a never ending.

this is not how i wanted to end up. i didn't want anything to change. some words have been a little too harsh don't you think? why must you admit after everythings over? theres never a time where you do admit when it occurs. you believe you did the right things. and no wrong has been done. except for me. i have committed all the wrongs ever committed. i must be strong when i am actually weak. i must be broad-minded when im actually stubborn. i must be forgiving when im not ready to forgive. i must give way when i want it to be my way for once. i must learn to cope. cope with the stress , the sadness, the anger, and the hurt. because no matter how frustrating it gets and how sometimes it feels like theres no way out, i would do it over and over again until everythings right.

my last wish for happiness

early in the morning.

ohhh mann its tooo early! i wouldn't have woken up if my brother didn't wake me up. going back to vhhs again. link crew -.- is it necessary to be this early. anyway todaii is gonna be a busy day. actually this wholle week is. i havent even finished packing!

• link crew 8-1
• pho 3-4:30
  
• yf game at 7
• packk!! sleep early <---- impossible

shopping was fun yesterday [: forever 21 <3 i saw john (: he's cool. well busy = fun day todaii :D

"Today, i received a text from my girlfriend to break up with me. I was upset. One minute later another text from her said " sorry, wrong person."

HAHAHAH THAT IS SOOO FML! www.fmylife.com (:

bored as heck =[

home alone is sooo much better with ppl around. im going to the mall later [: im almost dead broke -___- i seriously need a job. going to the park/gym later. it'll be an awesome week. going to SF! currently snacking on cookies n' cream ice cream yummm (; im still dead bored -____-