08/03/10

why am i torturing myself with words that have nothing to do with me?
why should i let it bother me at all? because it shouldn't.
yet i can't ignore the fact that it is. no matter how much energy i put to convince myself that its not true.. it doesn't change that the truth will always be there.
theres no way that i can compete with someone with such unique personality and talent.
how do i know?
she was his choice.
not me.

07/17/10

Loved is just loved.
Knowing you have truly loved me, is already enough.
If i didn't have your love, i would only just be a normal me.If those tears that i cried for you disappeared,then how would i have felt the feeling of happiness?
If i could see you once more, i just want to tell you i have never have regretted it
let me tell you again properly goodbye.

reminiscing.

even after so many years, that special person is still able to make me laugh & smile like theres no tomorrow. (:

realizing.

for now let me enjoy this limited time to watch over you. i wish for the better but i knew since the beginning it was impossible. i guess i still hoped that one day it will be in my favor. but i see that its impossible. acknowledgment confirmed. allow me to make most of this time and let me feel a little bit of the happiness. i must admit its like a perfect picture. permanent and unbreakable. wish you the best. always, me.

05/15-05/16

yesterday was the youth olympic event.
it was alrite. we were paired in teams.
janice&sandy, me& zi
hoping we'd be in one group.. they separated us =[
but its okkk.
we had a relay race, played dodgeball, two obstacle courses: one blindfolded and the other physical activity, a water activity, and tug-a-war.

we won first on both relay races. we won one/two in dodgeball, we won second in both obstacle courses. we won first in 1/2 of the water activity. and we won 5/6 in tug-a-war.
Although we did not place, we worked well as a team and found many ways to tackle every obstacle as best we can. We had great leaders to guide us the way.

got at home around 5ish. slept at 6pm thinking tat it would be nap but instead it turned out to be a 14-hour sleep until 8am in the morning.
really sore from yesterday and napped again at 12 pm til 1pm.
wat a tiring day. sigh...

All along i had no intentions of ruining anything. My only intentions were to encourage them to continue on and to show them both sides of the story in order to be stable once again. i could careless about desire to take advantage of the situation. if i had no such desire, then how can i? Many saw differently. I've come to the point that others don't matter and what they say doesn't matter either. It bothers me wen others see the wrong idea and make a fuss about it, but i won't say anything because i may have done that before. i chose the way i chose for many reasons and they are all good reasons. If i had a choice to go back in time to change things i wouldn't. I was there wen someone needed me. As long as the end results were that they are both ok then thats the way it should be. & they ARE both ok.

Interesting Day (:

so fourth period was unbelievably easy to get by todaii. not because it was friday but because christian paris made it fun.. hahah how weird.
i was saying sooo many racist jokes against him since hes sooo dark.

*i was replacing a black pen with a blue pen... and christian goes on saying...

christian: you're changing the black ink with the blue ink since it needs to fit in xDDD
if you guys don't get it, its a racist joke. (: it was hilarious at the time.
this made fourth period pass by faster :D thanks paris.

after school janice and i went to ct (:
she went to the doctors with me and i am still 5'2...
it was shocking that janice could read chinese words on our way to the bank! "common sense" hehes
janice now has a legit wallet. that girl is younger than me and she freaken has everything -___-X

we went to eat at sam woo cafe. (:
haha susan better watch out on monday :D sickkkk prank. its going to be hilarious.
after we ate we headed home and we found lilo&stitch on the floor! it was calling for us! lilau (:
haha next we saw andrew tam, david navidad, and marco on broadway. wtheck sooo weird.
we ate a better restaurant than theirs (;

so random we saw "cheerleader"!
we then decided to stop by the guitar store :D i found my dream guitar :D
i am attempted to learn how to play one (: lessons in the summer! sooo ready.

then went home (: a fun day.

05/03/10

Will you be my escort? (:

My Special Friend

I love when you talk to me because it brightens my day. I love how you're always so kind and considerate. I love how you always make me laugh to the point of people thinking that ive gone crazy. I love how you're always up for anything. I love your laugh. its oh so contagious.(: and finally i love how everytime i search for something, your actions prove me wrong. You're always truly nice when people doesn't deserve it. You're always there when im down and vice versa. You can tell my habits off the bat when others who've known me longer who can't. Thank you for everything my friend.. and can only be... friend.

05/01/10

I've realized that theres a huge price to pay for one moment of happiness. it doesn't matter. his happiness matters the most. nothing else does.

04/26/10

I must wish you eternal happiness and joy. I must help you in any way possible because it's my only cure that will bring me back to reality, but it is also my misery that sticks as strong as glue. Secretly helping and watching from afar is the best i can do. My 11:11 has completely changed to a different subject. (:

04/25/10

how terrible it must sound to the person that hears those words knowing the person saying it, has no clue at all. You see me differently than i see you.

"You can close your eyes to the things you do not want to see, but you cannot close your heart to the things you do not want to feel."

I am the exception.

interesting.

someone claims , " gotta hate before you like. "
in that case must i hate you then?

04/24/10

You are perfect in my world, but i can't do that to you or anyone else. it'll ruin everything and i'm not that kind of person. It will never to be revealed. Thanks for caring.

I can't have what i can't have...

A Clear Path

"May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human enough hope to make you happy."

You've used me way too long. I was just too blind to see it and later in denial. I really hope you're glad that you've taken it this far. I'm strong enough to be able to wish you joy in your future and finally let this all go.

Seems..

almost completely unfixable

Nothing left to say.

i don't think you grasp how frustrating this all is. im going crazy. i tried. it didnt work. no regrets. although, i do hate that this weekend is going to change a lil bit.

Ina-I wanted you

Hidden.

Nevertheless.. i shouldn't care right? so how do i not ? if there was someway to solve this problem i would have taken many hours to. i have this urge to know. but it would have be much easier if i simply didn't care bout it at all. if you decide to choose that path i would love to let you pass and live your life. its just one of those "i need to know" answers.

Moving

“Don't dwell on what went wrong. Instead, focus on what to do next. Spend your energies on moving forward toward finding the answer.”

my strength.

i will not bow down to you jst because you're inferior rite now. why do you get to treat me the way you always treat me wen i've done nothing wrong. the person that did wrong was you, and you don't even want to admit that. until you come to ur senses and if you admit to faults, thats wen i will respect you the way you're suppose to be respected.

Treat people the way you want to be treated. If you treat others poorly, why do you expect to be treated the right way?

it will never work like that.

With no hesitation

Some would gladly take my misery and exchange it with their happiness. would you?

01/08/10

todayy i had kbbq! with my best friend todaii & others. it was great.
i almost gagged... pork belly! wtheck.
"its belly button!!" -dennis -.-
he grossed me out. NEVER eat kbbq with dennis or anything of that matter... he'll turn something that taste good to something you might puke over lol [x
it was fun and really good. first time at ktown. [;

my other bestfriend came over :D awww biked all the way to my house to give me my present <3
ty! <3

others in specific: you've changed dramatically. your morals and beliefs are what you've turned your back on nowadays. you say one thing but you do the other. the person you are now... i really don't even know. you eventually become one of them...

12/28-01/2

i haven't been blogging lately so i must at least type something.
this whoollee week it was mostly like home studying =/ boring as heck. but i have been slacking off. sats are a drag.. seriously... why must i stay at home on my stupid winter break. but it must be done.

12/28-12/30 mostly at home studying. & dramass [:

01/31 went to the mall with my gff [: it was fun. gff bought alottttt. but WORTH it member that. besides chinese new year is coming soon. you'll get it all back. and you have tons of family members you'll get big bucks! i found my first plaid shirt at H&M!!!! omggggggg i loved it. =/ $25 oh geez. and i bought a ring from for love (:

01/01 HAPPY NEW YEAR! must keep my resolutions [:

o1/02 this morning wqz woke me up -___- they thought it was cool that they could four way call lol weirdos. no joke. went back to sleep til 3. and i plan to study again. as always. could have went to Monterrey park with my mom.. but kinda lazy. im currently talking to "z" lol he can be pretty gross at times... anyway they are at camp. BOOT camp! hahhahahah noo its more like a retreat. it would have been funny. they need some DISCIPLINE.

Must do:
-i haven't seen liz all winter break! we as in melissa janice liz
and i must go to our hangout again! ;)
- we can eat pho!
-DL 's community service [;